Listen, IG7's bad news bears, we all got transported here from other universes, and the 'actors' in the show aren't fucking actors, and as the only cops we personally have any connection to in any way, we're genuinely asking for help here.

The pirates, by the way, are totally involved. Like, they don't even want to be, but they got involved anyway, and now it's a whole fucking thing with Flavortown and all. I cannot believe I said Flavortown in all seriousness.

[You know who's not in politics? This motherfucker.]